Bad mommy

By now most of you have probably heard about this lawsuit in which some rich kids tried to sue their mom for emotional distress for things like failing to send college care packages, trying to make her son wear a seatbelt, and asking her daughter to come home at midnight from a homecoming celebration. (That daughter should have lived in my house; my curfew was midnight and my parents would set a radio alarm clock with the volume turned up all the way in our living room for just after midnight. If I wasn’t home to turn it off the parents would be awake and very, very mad. If I had been smart I would have come home, turned it off, and then gone back out...but I wasn’t.) Anyway, this got me thinking of all of the things Tater could possibly try to sue us for down the road. It’s not a short list.

-Failing to recognize that he had jaundice when he was born even though he was orange as a pumpkin (we thought he was just tan).
-Bringing him home from the hospital on a germy CTA bus.
-Dropping the home phone (Brad) and cell phone (me) on his head when he was a couple months old.
-Letting him nap in his bouncer for the first 6 months since we couldn’t get him to nap in his crib.
-Failing to read the sleep/baby books ahead of time so that we’d know how to get him to nap in his crib.
-Getting him an Easter basket filled with candy we like rather than something he could actually enjoy.
-Not feeding him much in the way of finger foods until close to his first birthday since we thought he shouldn’t have them since he didn’t have teeth and would choke. (Turns out babies don’t need teeth to eat. See above: failure to read baby books.)
-Letting his 3-year-old cousin Tondi tongue kiss him (and taking a photo of it).
-Me lying to a superskinny salesperson that I didn’t know what size dress I needed since I’d “just had a baby” even though Tate was a year old (and not with me at the time, which is why I got away with it).
-Failing to make homemade cupcakes for his first birthday even though I said I would.

I’m sure there is more. I’m really glad the “bad mommy” lawsuit was thrown out. I don't need that kind of precedent hanging over my head.

What'sa matta you?

(photo via www.vinyl4u.eu)

So when we were back in Michigan my sister and I had the opportunity to go through some of our old records. ("Opportunity" meaning my Dad said we needed to get our crap out of the basement, even though one tiny box of records pales in comparison to the "Hoarders"-like activity the parents have going on down there.) Remember records? They were before iTunes, CDs and cassette tapes but after 8-tracks. Not only did we have records, we actually had a pretty decent collection of 45s that I didn't remember having. And yes, that makes us really, really old. It's weird that Tate will never know what it was like to listen for hours for his favorite song to come on the radio. Or, to avoid that wait, to go out and buy the single with some generally crappy song by the same artist on the B-side.

Looking through our records I was pretty excited. They must be worth something, right? I had visions of my sister and me cashing in our collection and sending our kids to college until a quick eBay search revealed our "My Sharona" single listed for .99 cents. With no bidders. Oh well.

In addition to "My Sharona" our collection also included Blondie's "The Tide Is High," Eddie Rabbitt's "I Love a Rainy Night," Newcleus' "Jam On It" (even Brad doesn't remember that one; it's listed in Wikipedia as "old school hip hop" and may be the first and last time I was on music's cutting edge), and Joe Dolce's "Shaddup You Face." My sister and I didn't remember the name Joe Dolce, but "Shaddup You Face" brought back a lot of fun memories.

What'sa matta you, hey!
Gotta no respect, whatta you think you do,
Why you looka so sad? It's-a not so bad, it's-a nice-a place,
Ah, shaddap you face!

I did some Googling, and did you know that (as of 2005 when this article was written) "Shaddup You Face" is Australia's highest selling single ever? EVER! What about Olivia Newton John? AC/DC? Air Supply? INXS? Rick Springfield (who Brad reminded me was born in Australia)? Did "Shaddup You Face" seriously trump sales of "Jessie's Girl" at home?

Maybe it was more than just a song. To re-quote a music journalist quoted in the above-mentioned article:

"Shaddap You Face summed up the change in Australia when multiculturalism displaced the derogatory label 'New Australian', when colourful Immigration Minister Al Grassby regularly graced the national stage, and SBS was about to take to the air..."

I'm pretty sure my sister and I were not tapped into any cultural undercurrents in Australia. I'm pretty sure we didn't even know it was an Australian single. Mostly I think we just liked being able to say "Shaddup You Face" to each other over and over without getting in trouble. Hey!

Hole in my heart

On Thursday we went to Tate's 1-year cardiologist checkup. When he was born he had an irregular heartbeat, which was what landed him in the NICU. While he was there they did a lot of other testing and discovered that one side of his heart is bigger than the other. We were told that babies do normally have a bigger side, but the side of his heart that is bigger is the opposite of what they'd expect to see. The doctor said it could indicate some sort of problem during his development, but he seemed OK. He wore a recording monitor for 24 hours when he was about 3 weeks old, and afterward Brad got a call from the hospital with the message that all was OK and that we'd need to come back for a checkup when Tate was a year old.

So when we went back we really just thought this was a "better safe than sorry" recheck just to make sure everything was still OK. We were surprised to learn that he has a hole in his heart. Two small holes, actually, that they somehow didn't see last year. I guess they saw something then, but it wasn't clear they were holes like it is now and it wasn't communicated to us. The doctor said that as heart defects go this is on the less serious end of things, but she still didn't give us that reassuring "don't worry" speech I was hoping for. So what happens now is that they will check him again in a year. The hope is that the holes will close by themselves. If not, they will have to do surgery. There are lots of "ifs," and we're just praying that they close on their own in the next couple of years. It made me feel better that Brad was chatting last night with our niece who had a similar condition and she said her hole did close on its own. I'm trying to keep things in perspective since in the greater scheme of things there are a lot worse things that can happen to a baby, and if it doesn't fix itself it can be fixed. Of course, I'm his mom and I'm me, so I'm sure I'll still worry.

I talked to my parents yesterday and my mom, bless her heart, tried to put a positive spin on it. She insists that we use more positive wording if something has a negative connotation. We didn't have a "retirement party" for my Dad since I guess that made it seem like he was old and going to sit around in his chair. We had a "graduation party" since he was done teaching/counseling and was now onto the next phase of his life (which does seem to involve some degree of chair sitting). My grandma's service wasn't a funeral or memorial service, but a "celebration of life." And she didn't die, she had a "soul graduation." So when I told her about Tate's heart she said, "Oh, we don't call it a defect. He's not defective!" I told her actually we DO call it a defect, since the medical term is Atrial Septal Defect, but I have to agree. He's not defective--he's just perfect.

Tater is 1!

Tater turned 1 on August 8 and we celebrated with a cowboy-themed party in our building's community room.



Tate doesn't have any special fondness for cowboys; Brad was just looking for an excuse to order BBQ and I'm not so good when it comes to themes (mine was um, he's 1 and there will be cake?) so cowboys it was. I stole lots of ideas from the internet, and I have to give a big shout-out to Brad for making a country-but-not-too-country playlist. I didn't get to really listen to it until afterward, but one of my favorite songs on it that I hadn't heard before was "I Should Be Sleeping" by Emerson Drive. Very appropriate for this past year. We felt very blessed to celebrate this milestone with so many friends and family. Brad's Mom and twin sister Amy and two of our nieces came in from Michigan, and Tate really enjoyed playing with his cousins while they were here. He also came down with a cold the day of his birthday, so if any of you ended up sick after the party we apologize...he's not much for keeping his germs to himself. But sickness aside, I think everyone had a good time.

It's hard to believe that just a year ago he was this tiny



Tate got to celebrate again in Michigan when we were all home for my Grandma's funeral. My Mom said it would make her happy to look forward to celebrating this little life the day after the funeral (plus her own birthday since it was that week), so we did. My sister baked my Mom and Tate a cake (unlike his Mom, who didn't get his cupcakes made in time for his Chicago party and we had to get them from a bakery on party day) and got some balloons, which he loved. We had to bring one back on the train since he was having so much fun with it. He also got to play with more cousins. He learned fast that kids with siblings play a little rougher. My niece Madi kept grabbing him when he tried to crawl away. At one point she just grabbed a handful of the back of the neck of his pajamas and lifted him up like a cat carrying a kitten. Another time he was crawling away and she grabbed him by the waistband of his shorts and dragged him back. Madi is one tough cookie. And his cousin Tondi gave him his first tongue kiss. I'm not going to post the photo, but I'm pretty sure I'll be able to use it as leverage down the road. I'm also pretty sure this is how my nephew, niece, and Dad all ended up with Tate's cold.



It's been a wonderful and exhausting first year. There isn't a day that goes by that we aren't so grateful that we have him. He makes us laugh and smile just by being himself. Happy 1st Birthday, Tate!

Remembering my grandma

A really sad thing happened while we were in Massachusetts. We got the news that my grandmother had passed away. It wasn't unexpected since she had gone into a hospice facility when we were all home back in May, but we still miss her very much. I was able to talk to her on the phone the morning she died. She wasn't conscious, but I hope she heard me. Our last conversation before that hadn't been an easy one. We tried to talk on the 4th of July, but her dementia (she had been diagnosed several months earlier) had taken both her ability to speak clearly and to understand what I was saying.

Her memorial service was last weekend. It was a really nice celebration of her life at the church she attended for about 70 years. A member of the church played a few numbers on the bugle. Another church member is an opera singer in NYC and she came back and sang a few songs. My mom and aunt gave loving eulogies, and the rest of us also passed around the mic and shared a few words.

The one thing that made me feel really good was that we had had a 90th birthday party for my grandma two years ago where her friends and family had a chance to stand up and share their favorite memories of her. Afterward she told me it felt like she had just attended her own funeral. Normally I'd say that isn't the sign of a good party, but I knew what she meant. I'm glad she knew how loved she was. Tate, life lesson #1: make sure to tell the people you love how you feel about them. (For the sake of authenticity you can also tell the people you don't love how you feel about them, but that tends to stir up trouble.)

Anyway, here are a few pics of my grandma.


This is a photo of her as a baby with her mother.




And here are a couple of her from nursing school. I remember being impressed growing up that my grandma had been a nurse, since not many grandmas I knew worked. I found out recently that her mom had wanted her to get an education so she didn't have to marry the first guy who came along. Pretty progressive for those times, huh.





And here are a couple of her with my grandpa (the top is their wedding photo). I love the story of how they met. She was dating his roommate and my grandpa used to answer the phone when she called. She hadn't met him in person, but he fell in love with her voice. I'm a little fuzzy on the details of how this all played out, but I think my grandpa eventually met her some time after she broke up with the roommate and asked her out.







My grandma and my mom (left) and aunt (right). Yes, it was the 1970s.



My grandma and her siblings. Her oldest brother and youngest sister are still living. They all grew up on a cherry farm in Michigan.




Here she is showing me off to their next door neighbor.


And here she is working out in the fitness center where she lived. At 90 even after two strokes she still worked out several days a week.



This is the first time my grandma met Tate. She was so happy to see him (and vice versa).



This is from the night before my grandma went into hospice (her health took a turn for the worse that night). We had just finished a family dinner at her place. She is hugging her first grandson (my sister's son Tondi). They named her "Director of Hugging" where she lived because she gives so many hugs. She told me at Christmas never to forget her hugs. I won't.

Day drinking with Kathie Lee and Hoda

I owe stay-at-home moms a big apology. I used to think they had it good: strolling down the street sipping lattes, reading magazines while their babies slept, working out (I'm not sure how I thought that happened with babies), chillaxing in the park... . Back in my working outside the home days it all seemed pretty cush to me. I remember hearing about SAHM's who had cleaning people and I was incredulous. What did they do all day? Now I know. Most days are a mix of preparing Tate's meals, feeding Tate, doing laundry (I seriously do laundry every day now), changing a bazillion diapers, trying to keep the place picked up enough so DCFS doesn't come and take Tate away because we're living in squalor, and most importantly, trying to keep a very active 2-foot-tall person with absolutely no fear from killing himself. The last is a new development since Tate has gotten more mobile, and it's simultaneously exciting to see him exploring his world and exhausting keeping up with him.

So once he's down for his morning nap (assuming I can talk him into taking one these days) I take a quick break from from it all and sit down with some coffee or breakfast and watch 10 minutes of the fourth hour of The Today Show with Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb. Before Tate the only reason I knew there was a fourth hour of The Today Show was because Joel McHale always makes fun of it on The Soup. Now I find myself tuning in daily. All of the girls in the dorm LOVED Kathie Lee when I was in school, but back then I just thought she was overly perky and irritating (this was before she got axed from her show with Regis for the younger, perkier Kelly Ripa). But aging Kathie Lee has an "oh eff it" attitude of resignation that is actually kind of amusing. And I like Hoda Kotb because every time I see her name on screen I spend a few seconds wondering why her last name doesn't have another vowel. Anyway, every day I tune in just to feel like I have some brief connection with the outside world and you know what those ladies are doing? Day drinking! Every single day. I'm sure some producer came up with the idea to make the show seem to viewers like a cozy hour-long chat with your girlfriends Hoda and Kathie Lee, and it's working. Although if I ever do crack open the tequila at 9 am on a weekday I hope someone does call DCFS. It's a slippery slope.

If you like pina coladas...

Ok, so I still haven't posted Tate's 9-month OR 10-month photos, but Brad and I are going on vacation! Or I should say, Brad, Tate and I are going on vacation. Brad and I haven't been on a real vacation since our impromptu Costa Rica trip in 2008, so we are definitely due. I was thumbing through a magazine at my hair salon and came across an article that included a spread on what to wear if you are going to Nantucket this summer (cute, preppy J. Crew-ey stuff) and got inspired. Well, turns out you AREN'T going to Nantucket if you are reading an article at your hair salon in June and expect to find a semi-affordable summer rental for a week there. But we did find a cottage on the beach in Cape Cod. And Brad referred another employee to his company so the referral bonus (provided the guy sticks it out for 90 days) helps with the semi-affordable part. We know next to nothing about the area, so we have some research to do in the next couple of weeks. Here's what we know about the Cape going in:

1. Kennedys, Kennedys, Kennedys
2. Cape Cod = Vodka, cranberry, lime
3. The people in The Pina Colada Song like hanky panky at midnight in the dunes there
4. It's a great place to break out the madras skirts and seersucker shorts

We're still trying to work out all of the traveling with Tate stuff, but we're excited for our first family vacation. Since Tate still takes 2 naps a day (and is kind of miserable if he misses one) there may be a lot of time spent sitting on the deck looking at the water while he naps. And that sounds A-Ok to me.